Prayer??

I need prayer...

I have been really upset about my miscarriage for a while now, and I haven't said anything. I've been keeping it inside and telling myself I can get over it. I know that's not true and I know I need help. I have really great friends and family who are here for me and are willing to listen and help in anyway possible. I however haven't reached out and let anyone help me. That is my fault. With loosing the baby all I have thought about is wanting to have another one, however, I know that now is not the time for any babies entering my life.

I have two very intense semesters of school left, and I want to finish on time. If I had a child now that would not be the case I would end up finishing late. Plus, Taylor and I have talked about it and it makes more sense for us to wait until 1) I am out of college 2) where God wants us to be as far as location and 3) I have a job and we have some sort of stability.

With this "plan" (which is bound to change with God's sense of humor :-)) we probably won't have any kids for at least a year and a half which is fine, and I understand and accept. However, recently I have been having a hard time with the loss of a baby.

I was thinking about it today, and I think what makes it hard to forget is I heard a heart beat. A little boy/girl died...I feel like I should have a funeral for the baby. It just seems like a human died and we don't have a funeral...it's sad. I don't know maybe I need to have some type of memorial service to help me get it over it...

I've been finally willing to talk about the fact that I have been struggling with this whole thing. I wish there was an easy way to deal with this. I have decided trying to hide my feelings and pretend they don't exist doesn't work very well.

Well please pray fro me...

I need it.

♥ Beth

p.s. the one thing that I do like to think about that makes me cry is that God is getting to hold my baby...(I'm kinda jealous.) But it's a beautiful image.

Short but Sweet

I got my hair cut today, went to the fair, worked out and still haven't cleaned. I'll talk about that more later, but right now all I want to say is this:

Life is tough. It's tough when you feel alone. Sitting hear in bed tonight three things have come to my mind, 1) I miss my family and C Kay (that's pretty much an every night thing however), 2) I feel alone, and 3) impatience.

I have a hard time remembering two things:

1) That I'm not alone

&

2) to be patient with my husband.

However with both of these I have come up with two passages (that I need to post in my house, and will tomorrow.):

1) Psalm 23

¹The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
²He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
³He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
⁴Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
⁵You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
⁶Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

God's with me; I am never alone. I forget this all the time, and it is something I need to always remember.

and

2) 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

⁴Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, ⁵does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, ⁶does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; ⁷bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

There it is right there, Love is patient. I haven't been patient and that is my fault.

These are two things I really need to work on. After thinking about these things I feel happy that I am not alone, but sad that I have not been patient with my husband.

♥ Beth

100 What????

So Saturday was the last day I posted, and I need to update on my exercising and how it has been going. Last week I was supposed to work out 4 times last week and I was supposed to work out two non-consecutive days on with the other stuff. Well obviously I didn't do that, but I figured I better jump high and hard on the bandwagon this week and get the ball rolling. I'm suppose to work out 5 times this week and am suppose to do 14 reps of each exercise on two non-consecutive days. That is what I need to do this week.

For the most part I have been doing really good on exercising and eating right. I have done great on eating 1500 calories or less I think I have gone over only twice since I started this challenge. I have been really proud of myself and Taylor has told me that he already sees a difference.

Today I weighed myself and I found out that I have officially lost 5 pounds since I have started a little over two weeks ago. I am so happy with myself, and feel like I am really being pushed to continue on this path of losing weight and eating right. I am starting to feel so good about myself and cloths that I couldn’t fit into at all 2 weeks ago are JUST (honestly just a tiny tiny bit) starting to loosen or fit again. Shirts that I couldn’t even button I can at least button. This makes me feel so excited, and I can’t wait until they fit and maybe even look big.

So some fun stuff that has happened since Saturday:

On Sunday Taylor and I went to church that morning and it was a great sermon. After church we went to the dollar store which was fun we didn’t buy much only a two decks of playing cards because the decks we have don’t have jokers and it seems that when we play again it always needs the jokers. We didn’t know what we were going to do for lunch because I had a big pork tenderloin dinner planned, so we wanted something light. Well we went Papa Murphy’s and got a deLITE pizza they are suppose to be a healthier pizza it was a great lunch. After lunch we went to Hollywood Video which is right across the street from our apartment. The place is suppose to be open until tomorrow so we went and thought we should buy some movies since they were

really cheap. Well the pictureexplains it all…we walked out of Hollywood video with 100 DVDs, and a free Wii Cover for the consol. It was so much fun to spend this time with my husband, even though we were looking through different parts of the store we were still having fun together. J The other big news of Sunday night was that I finished my Romans class, and I think I got a B in the class, I don’t know yet, however I got and A on the final this was the first time that I can remember that I have gotten an A on a final I felt so good and very proud of myself.

Today was going to be a day of cleaning and picking up and making the house look like a beautiful house again and not a place where me and my husband (mostly me) just throws our stuff around. Well I cleaned a little, our get bedroom looks fabulous and my bedroom floor doesn’t have clothes everywhere, but that is really all the cleaning I did. I woke up around 11:30 I think, and ate a little breakfast then about 30 min later I started working out after I did my 14 reps of each exercise I got on my treadmill and was on there for 40 minutes today. I didn’t walk very fast but I wasn’t feeling very good. I wanted to do the workout because I didn’t want to cop out on the exercise, I didn’t walk as far as I normally do but I definitely still got a work out. I did weigh myself today and found out I am down another pound so it is official my total count it 5 pounds. After the work out I showered and got ready to go to the store, I got stuff for dinner I got Taylor a new fan, and I got stuff for salsa (My best friend’s recipe that is the BEST EVER). After I got home I started the salsa, then got dinner ready and Taylor was home. We ate dinner and then we went to Kohl’s I need new tennis shoes. I really want to get shoes that are special for running, because I know that I will eventually be running instead of walking. However, nothing…boo. I think Taylor is more bummed at the fact that he has to go shopping with me

again. Ha Ha Ha. After we go home from shopping I decided it was cool enough I wanted to go on a walk. So we got Kaycee and went on a walk. We walked to Sonic and got a strawberry shakein celebration of me finishing class (430 calories splitting a Large that’s a lot of calories, but it was good.) We walked back to our apartment which was really fun. I hope that Taylor and I can do that more often, not necessarily getting the shake but at least going on walks, it was a lot of fun. I really enjoy spending time with my husband and it is very rare that we don’t have the T.V. on so going out was really nice and different.

Tomorrow is the day, I am going to get my hair cut I think the overall decision was number 2 so that will be the one. I’m excited to show everyone how it turns out. J Well I think I will try to clean tomorrow and do a good job at it this time, because Taylor is going to take me to the Fair tomorrow! WOOT! I love fairs. I am so excited to be going. I love ferries wheels and I hope we can ride the one there, I also love games. I think we might goto one of the shows they have going on, there are two shows, one is with bears, and the other is a hypnotist. I think either would be pretty cool. We’ll just have to wait and see how much everything coasts. J

This week I really want to exercise hard and lose another pound or two, I would love to lose a total of 10 pounds by the time that Taylor and I go for our vacation to Branson for our 1 year anniversary. We leave a week from Thursday; I hope that I can do that. If not I won’t be discouraged I just be encouraged to work that much harder when I get home.

Wow what a blog.

♥ Beth

Blessed

I worked out today, and have eaten well today. The only other thing that's really exciting about today, is I found out I lost another pound today.

Today I've been babysitting for about 5 hours, that's a lot of hours. lol I'm actually doing really well for having baby sat this long. I mean it's not like the boys are hard to babysit but usually if I have to make dinner it seems a little more complicated. However, They already ate so that worked for me because it's been really easy.

Another really cool thing is there is a friend of mine who I haven't talked to in years and yesterday we started talking again and I just really am enjoying talking to her again. She is such a nice girl.

Plus my bestie and I have been talking a lot today as well.

I've just been really blessed this week.

My husband has been the best to me this week too.

♥ Beth

Fabulous!

Okay so I've been doing really bad as far as working out this week, but still been doing good on my calories. :D Which is probably a good thing.

In other news, I've actually been talking recently to my best friend A LOT and I love when I get to talk to her. She lives in Arizona and C Kay is so sweet and I wish I could see her all the time and hang out, but all that can happen right now is talking. She's really special to me and I've been able to talk to her a lot recently about things that are going on in my life and some days I feel like she's here which is really nice.

Anyway, today was a boring day for the most part but it ended really good. Two really good

things happened at about 10 p.m. I finished my last big project for my Romans Class. Now all I have left is my final and I've officially finished another class and am that much closer to graduating (May 2011 woot woot!). The other really cool thing that happened tonight is my friend Jill did a little silly contest online that you had to guess correctly some things that she took pictures of, and I totally got it right! woot woot! So I got a

$5 gift card to Starbucks (Thank You Jacob). That's gonna be really exciting when i get it because Taylor and I will go get a coffee and share it. What fun! I'm really excited about it...I feel that sounded a little sarcastic but it was 100% excitement!

Other really exciting news is that Taylor and my wedding anniversary is coming up! I can't wait we're going to Branson, MO to celebrate. I am so happy.

(this is a picture from our honeymoon)

Well off to bed. Even though I haven't done a lot today I feel like I did a lot. LOL.

♥ Beth

Can't decided...

I'm cutting my hair, and theses are the styles I like I just can't decided which one I want...

I also wanna change the color; well I want to add highlights. I want to know your opinion.

I like the bangs on this one...

I like the choppiness of this one... and the length

I like this one too....I can't decided...

(p.s. I know they are all Jennifer Aniston...I just love her hair.

♥

My "30 things"

So I got this from Jill, because she had tagged me in it on Facebook but it wasn't working...

Anyway here it goes...

1. I'm a wife of a loving husband.

2. I love my parents and miss them all the time.

3. I love Arizona, and can't wait to move back.

4. I treat my puppy like my child.

5. I want to have kids someday.

6. I'm adopted.

7. I was a prom baby.

8. My dad almost died when I was 14, but God allowed him to survive.

9. My dad is my hero.

10.God has blessed me so much in my life.

11. I love being tan.

12. I hate Missouri weather.

13. I love to shop

14. I have been to 49 states

15. I love to travel.

16. I watch movies all the time

17. Roses, tulips and calla lilies are my favorite flower

18. I enjoy working out it make me feel accomplished

19. I'm working on losing weight

20. I have two half brothers and LOVE THEM.

21. My best friend is always there for me when I need her (I hate that she lives so far away)

22. I love being online.

23. I love clean towels, sheets and clothes. I just love everything to be clean

24. I enjoy getting new things

25. I love swimming.

26. I love to go on a dates with my husband.

27. My stepfather is so awesome to me and I'm thankful for him.

28. Losing my baby is making me realize I need to better my relationship with God.

29. I love going to church and I'm excited to get involved in one here in Missouri

30. I love change. even when it's scary and unexpected!

These are things about me and things that explain me. These are some of my favorites and I feel I could do more...I think I could make a more meaningful top 30 as well. :D This is just a piece of me...thanks Jill.

♥ Beth

Exhausted!

I'm weak...

I've started a bad habit that I'm trying to get myself out of but I'm having a hard time...

I've been eating later at night... like at 11 p.m. and it's usually been a pop tart. I never go over my alloted calories but I still have been told that it's not healthy, and it doesn't help the losing weight.

However, I worked out hard today, which made me feel really good about myself. I walked/jogged for a little over 45 minutes and went a little over 2 miles and lost 302 calories. It felt so good to have worked out so hard today. After i worked out that long I played with the dog for a little bit. I also did the work out that M.S. has me do besides the walking. I felt really good about myself today. I haven't hardly eaten today it seems like (not on purpose of course).

Today, I only had 824 calories, which was really crazy. I didn't intend on having so little calories it just worked out that way which was kinda nice. I had Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast (320), I had a GREAT salad for lunch (223), a nectarine (which was really yummy and only 62 calories), and for dinner I had 2 pieces of cold pizza from Shakespeare's which was actually really good (321) and then (this is the part that makes me angry at myself) I had a pop tart at about 11:30 (200). So I had a total of 1124 calories but since I worked off 302 calories I only had 824.

So now I'm exhausted but really proud of myself.

Other news for today...I feel bad for my puppy (8 year old dog Kaycee) because she has fleas but I'm doing what I can to take care of it. I've also been shaving Kaycee (to help cut down on our expenses) which is a long process it takes about 3 hours if done right. So after about and hour and half of shaving Kaycee I kinda just quit doing it for today. I'll have to finish shaving her tomorrow.

Another thing is this is my last week of my online class (Romans) and I'm really excited to almost be done and begin my 4 weeks of summer. (boo only 4 weeks) However, I'm having a really hard time feeling motivated enough to do the last project and the final...I hope that maybe tomorrow I can really push to do at least one or two parts of my project tomorrow.

Well it's bed time! Oh Boy I'm so tired!

♥ Beth

GRR!

So today I had typed up a little over half a blog and of course my computer restarted or something, anyway, I lost it all. ICK!

Anyway, it was all about yesterday, So I guess I'll just try to remember what I typed.

Yesterday was a day of negative emotion. I wasn't really in a great mood, I don't know if I was just tired or what but I was not in that great of a mood at all. Taylor was at work all day, and I finished getting the house ready for our guests. After getting everything ready I did my homework which wasn't that hard. (Exciting news about that is I am one week from being done with the class.)

Earlier I had worked out, and I was going to go walk, after I did the workout that M.S. has me doing, but I was feeling really sick to my stomach. I have learned from previous experiences that if I feel nauseated that I need to quiet otherwise I'll be enjoying the bathroom for a little while.

LOL.

After all the exercising and homework, I decided it was time to die my hair. So at about 6:30 I died my hair, and got it set and took a shower and got ready, and went to the movie that night with JD, EM, and Taylor. We went and saw Eclipse I liked it. However, I think I started to decided this in the last movie and came to the conclusion this movie, I'm Team Jacob. LOL.

Well that was yesterday. Today was okay I've been really tired all day, even though I woke up today a little after 11 am and got up and ate breakfast in bed (I took it back to bed technically.) I really like doing that it is really relaxing. I hung out in bed until a little after noon. Taylor got home from work a little afternoon and we hung out watching T.V. in bed.

Taylor and I then got up and went shopping at Walmart for the things that were on our shopping list which was fun to do with Him. Specially since sometimes I don't feel like we get to hang out that much.

Once we got home we hung out for about an hour and then he had to go to work at Houlihan's. When he left for work I finally got my act together and walked for a little over a half hour. After my work out I took a shower and just hung out for the day. I did a little ironing because Taylor needed some of his dress shirts ironed. Once I got that done I watched T.V.

Now I'm just sitting here typing this and watching T.V. (what a shock.) LOL.

The cool thing is that I had like half the calories that I use to eat. I have been eating way healthy and I managed so where I don't consume that many calories. For example today I had 1040 calories. :D

The other AMAZING thing about tonight...

My husband bought 24 RED ROSES.

Well I'm exhausted. GOOD NIGHT!

♥ Beth

Movie(s) anyone???

Today...

Well it's been a crazy day.

I was gonna exercise today, however, it actually didn't happen today. I have been really busy day today.

Taylor had the day off work today and I of course don't work so we had time to spend together. We have company coming tomorrow and of course the house was NOT up to par. So Taylor and I started cleaning at 10:30 this morning and finished a little after 1 this afternoon. We then had lunch after not having breakfast I was starving. After lunch we got ready for the day and went to see a movie which was so fun to go see a movie together. (I'll talk about the movie later)

After the movie we came home and watched another movie, a T.V. show and now we're on our 3rd movie of the day. I know we're crazy. lol

Well back to the movie, this afternoon Taylor and I went and saw Despicable Me it was such a great movie. I thought it was so cute and I loved it. It makes me want to have a little girl so bad. I really hope I do. I think they are so precious. The movie had such heart in it; it made me happy inside.

Tomorrow JD, EM, I think a few others, Taylor, and I are going to go see Eclipse tomorrow, so since that is the case we had to have a Twilight marathon.

Earlier after we got home from Despicable Me we watched Twilight, and then we had dinner (the dinner Taylor made doesn't have an official name so we call them Stuff Buff Muffins, they are supper yummy). After dinner we started New Moon and currently we are still watching it. I forgot how intense these movies get, tomorrow will be interesting.

What a great, busy day spent with my adoring husband.

♥ Beth

Where is my puppy?

My work out schedule for the week looks something like this.

Monday: walked for 30 min

Tuesday: walked for 33 min and did the extra workout M.S. has me doing

Wednesday: Day off

Thursday: extra workout M.S. assigned

Friday: walk for 30-45 min

Saturday: off

So today was going to be my "day of rest" and I woke up thinking I would have a nice break ( I was especially excited when I woke up and my thighs were killing me.)

My day started out with me waking up at about 10:30 and taking our dog Kaycee outside so she could take care of business. Well she took care of business, and I put her leash down so I could clean up after her. Well, in the process of cleaning up she disappeared. So I spent a good 20 min looking for her around our apartment complex. I called Taylor bawling that I had lost her, and since he is training for his new job he was able to take an earlier lunch and come home. Well right as he was getting ready to pull into our apartment complex I found her. So I felt really bad that I had him come home early. However it was quiet an exercise to walk all around our apartment area with really sore thighs. (Therefore I got a little work out, plus it was SO HOT! ICK!) I came back inside after finding her and my shirt was drenched. It was not pleasant.

Well after that fun fest, I had lunch and then did my homework that was due today, I even did some homework that is due on Friday. (Which makes me feel really accomplished.)

After that I was asked if I could babysit. So Little L is over here right now and Him and I are watching a movie. However, earlier he wanted to go on a walk (crazy kid :D). We went on a walk around the apartment area and a little by the road (where I got honked at by a really creepy man) which was really hot. On our last 1/4 of the walk LL decided he wanted to be held. Well not only do I have the dog to keep track of but now LL wants to add weight to me walking...OH BOY! Well we made it back in one piece although very hot and sweaty again for the second time today.

However one great thing about today is that I have been really good on calories today. I know the day is not over yet but I have only had 792 calories today including dinner. I'm sure I'll still have cereal or something along those lines for dessert. I'm gonna make sure not to go over again though today, but I don't think I will.

Today has been eventful, and I am really excited for this weekend and for the friends I am going to hang out with. I am also excited for the time I am going to get to spend with Taylor tomorrow. he doesn't work tomorrow so we are having a movie day. I'm really excited about it.

I talked to my mom today to see how she was doing as far as exercising and eating right because my parents were gonna support me by losing weight with me. My mom said that she was starting to eat right. She said that her and dad have not had the opportunity to work out yet. I totally understand that though they just got back from their 2 week vacation on Monday. My mom was also talking about how hot it was in Arizona and that it exhausting just to be back. I know what they mean too. (That use to happen to me when we went on trips when I was younger, going back to Arizona was always sad because it's so HOT. However I still wanna move back there. I love Arizona!)

Today has been a big day even though it has been so little. LOL.

-Beth <3

Over Worked

Today was intense!

The morning started out around 10:30 this morning, which is good because that means I am waking up earlier. I woke up and had a good breakfast that was 269 calories, which was a great start to the day. I then started working on my blog background and didn't finish it until way later tonight.

After I did that for a while I worked out which was really intense. I walked a little over a mile and a half, and burned 245 cal in about 35 min. After doing that I thought I was almost done, and then I read more of what M.S. had told me to do in my work out. That's when I went to http://www.acefitness.org/workouts/13/#program and did all of the works out including the warm ups and cool down. After I did all that I had to just take a 5 min break and just sit, I was so exhausted. M.S. has me working really hard.

After my work out I took a shower and got ready for the day. I ate lunch and had a snack which added up to about 644 calories, and then I worked more on my blog. I finally got it to a place where I like it.

Taylor got home about 6ish from his new bank job which he really likes. Which I'm happy for him. So I don't really remember, but I kinda do, early this morning before Taylor left for work he asked me if I would iron his dress shirts so that he could have a nice one for tomorrow. Well, I kinda forgot about it so when he got home he asked me again and I got two shirts done that's enough for two days. lol.

I then made some dinner (spaghetti and sauce) which was 622 calories which was a good chunk of my calories. This put me at a total at 1400 calories, then I calculated wrong in my head and thought I had enough to have a bowl of cereal but I actually went over on my calories for the day by 220. I was really disappointed when I realized that.

But hey there is alway tomorrow that I can straighten myself out and eat right and make sure to calculate right as well. lol

Beth

New Beginning

So today started my new beginning. Ever since Taylor and I got married almost a year ago I have done nothing but GAIN weight. Since the wedding I have gained 30+ pounds. So now I am finally doing something about the fact that I have put so much weight on. I think that I am no longer healthy, and am starting too look like my birth mother, and I do not really want her to be my role model.

I think something that will help is if I tell people about what I am going to do. My brother-in-law (M.S.) has helped set me up with some goals and what I need to do on a daily basis. I am really appreciative of him.


These are all the things that he has set up for me:

As far as exercise, assuming you have not been exercising at all, start by performing aerobic exercise activities (treadmill, walking, jogging, swimming, biking, aerobics videos, etc.) 3 days during the first week for 30-45 minutes each day. Exercise at a moderate intensity. I can calculate a heart rate range for you if you want, but I think you will be fine if you work up a good sweat and are breathing harder than normal (but not gasping) toward the end of your workout. I would mix the activities up often to keep from getting bored. Follow this schedule for aerobic exercise:

Week 1: 3 Days
Week 2: 4 Days
Week 3: 5 Days
Week 4 and beyond: 6 or 7 days

So He was right I haven't exercised at all since the wedding, actually I haven't even exercised that much since like July of last year..

M.S. continued on to say
"For toning your muscles, I recommend the at-home workout featured by the American Council on Exercise (ACE) on their website. Here is the link: . This link has pictures, videos, and written descriptions of each exercise. This is a good full-body workout and will help tone all the muscles you mentioned in your goals. The only change I would make is for push-ups. I recommend doing push-ups from your knees instead of your toes, especially at first, and doing them with your hands close together (narrower than shoulder width). This will emphasize your triceps. I would also add bent-over rows to this workout, because it does not have a great exercise for the upper back. To do bent-over rows, stand upright with your feet about shoulder width apart, holding dumbbells in your hands. Bend forward at the waist until your upper body is about parallel to the ground. Let your arms hand below your chest with your palms facing your legs. Keeping your upper body steady, bend your elbows and raise them sideways away from your body until the weights are even with your ribs (you should feel the scapula bones in your upper back squeeze together. Then slowly lower back down and repeat. Follow this schedule for resistance exercise:

Week 1: 1 set of 10 reps on 2 non-consecutive days
Week 2: 1 set of 12 reps on 2 non-consecutive days
Week 3: 1 set of 14 reps on 2 non-consecutive days
Week 4: 1 set of 16 reps on 2 non-consecutive days
Week 5: 1 set of 10 reps on 3 non-consecutive days
Week 6: 1 set of 12 reps on 3 non-consecutive days
Week 7: 1 set of 14 reps on 3 non-consecutive days
Week 8: 1 set of 16 reps on 3 non-consecutive days
Week 9: 2 sets of 10 reps on 3 non-consecutive days
Week 10: 2 sets of 12 reps on 3 non-consecutive days
Week 11: 3 sets of 10 reps on 3 non-consecutive days
Week 12 and beyond: 3 sets of 10 reps on 3 non-consecutive days

I'm really excited about what is going to happen in the next few months of my life.

My current weight is 168 lbs, and my goal weight is 125 (this was the weight I used to be in H.S., and I loved it). I'm really excited to see the transformation from someone who is overweight for my height to someone who is right on par for my height.

The next thing I ask for from all of you is please pray for me while I push myself to really step up and take care of myself. Also, any advice or support you can give me would be amazing and I would really appreciate it.

-Beth <3

Before...