Prayer??

I need prayer...

I have been really upset about my miscarriage for a while now, and I haven't said anything. I've been keeping it inside and telling myself I can get over it. I know that's not true and I know I need help. I have really great friends and family who are here for me and are willing to listen and help in anyway possible. I however haven't reached out and let anyone help me. That is my fault. With loosing the baby all I have thought about is wanting to have another one, however, I know that now is not the time for any babies entering my life.

I have two very intense semesters of school left, and I want to finish on time. If I had a child now that would not be the case I would end up finishing late. Plus, Taylor and I have talked about it and it makes more sense for us to wait until 1) I am out of college 2) where God wants us to be as far as location and 3) I have a job and we have some sort of stability.

With this "plan" (which is bound to change with God's sense of humor :-)) we probably won't have any kids for at least a year and a half which is fine, and I understand and accept. However, recently I have been having a hard time with the loss of a baby.

I was thinking about it today, and I think what makes it hard to forget is I heard a heart beat. A little boy/girl died...I feel like I should have a funeral for the baby. It just seems like a human died and we don't have a funeral...it's sad. I don't know maybe I need to have some type of memorial service to help me get it over it...

I've been finally willing to talk about the fact that I have been struggling with this whole thing. I wish there was an easy way to deal with this. I have decided trying to hide my feelings and pretend they don't exist doesn't work very well.

Well please pray fro me...

I need it.

♥ Beth

p.s. the one thing that I do like to think about that makes me cry is that God is getting to hold my baby...(I'm kinda jealous.) But it's a beautiful image.